Archive for ‘humor’

April 1st, 2008

Today’s letter – writer’s block

Dear Governor Schwarzenegger –

I’m caught up with writer’s block and don’t have anything to write to you today.

APRIL FOOLS!

There are a million reasons why California and America would be better if everybody has the freedom to marry the person of their choosing. I don’t think I could ever stop, until we all get the same freedom, the freedom to marry.

Yours,

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March 7th, 2008

Today’s letter – let the men marry

Dear Governor Schwarzenegger –

Yesterday I proposed that you recognize the boundaries of the old-testament admonishment against homosexuality by letting lesbian couples get married. But the bible actually says men are superior:

“But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” 1 Corinthians 11:3

“But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.” 1 Timothy 2:12

So gay male couples are naturally superior to couples where a woman is involved. Why would you want to discourage – through banning marriage – these more perfect unions?

So why not let gay male couples wed? That wouldn’t tread on these religious decrees, but it would get us half-way closer to bringing the freedom to marry to everybody who wants it.

Yours,

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March 5th, 2008

Today’s letter – Samantha gets it, why don’t you?

Dear Governor Schwarzenegger –

It looks like the upcoming Sex in the City movie will feature a wedding or two. Will Carrie Bradshaw finally marry Big, or will her gay gal pal Stanford Blatch manage to find love even before Carrie?

Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha do not seem to be the kind of people who would be anything but thrilled if Stanford finally tied the knot. Why would Californians be any different?

I wish you would support the freedom to marry for us out here in California, so people like Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha – or Stanford, Anthony and Big – are not blocked by a tradition of bigotry from marrying the love of their lives.

Yours,

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February 29th, 2008

Today’s letter – as clear as the day is bright

Dear Governor Schwarzenegger –

Today is so-called “leap day” that only comes along once every four years. This “day” was fabricated and imposed on us in 1582 by Pope Gregory XIII just so that Easter would fall at around the same time of year. It is really just a collection of hours to make up for the six hour discrepancy between the traditional year and the seasons, and not a “day.”

In ancient times, the adjustment was a whole ten-day month that happened every 25 years; by 46 BC, Caesar created a whole month – one day long – to deal with the problem. The month was legally identical to the day before it, “separate but equal” one might say. Clearly, it is a time period like no other in the calendar year, and it requires special treatment, for calling it a “day” demeans all of the other days of the year.

Where is the incentive for the sun to rise if just any time adjustment can be called a “day?” We need to protect the traditional definition of a year – which everybody knows is 365 days – against this assault to logic.

I propose that instead of calling this a “day” we call it a “domestic time adjustment interval” and that people who are born or die during this time period are recorded on the previous or following day.

You don’t call a “domestic partnership” a marriage – you should not call “February 29th” a day, or else the calendar, the foundation of our society and economy, would surely collapse.

Yours,

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